About flexibility, and also time and space
by medcat
Summary: This story was originally posted in Russian in 2010 by Contesina; translation's mine. According to the story's author, "It's mostly about little crocodiles, and then our favourite characters come along, too. And it's also about text messages as a method of intergalactic communication."


**Translator's note: This story was written by Contesina and posted back in 2010 on a Russian Harry Potter and other fanfic site, snapetales dot ru. I liked this story and I thought others here might enjoy it as well, so I translated it. I have not been able to contact the author, so if anybody is able to, please let me know.**

**I hope you enjoy:**

* * *

><p><strong>A post in John Watson's blog<strong>

**May 5, 2010**

My friend Sherlock Holmes is an incredible person. Sometimes it seems to me that he has two hearts and an inexhaustible source of energy somewhere inside. He can only sit still when he's thinking over another case, and even then not always. Only at the very beginning, to be honest. And then he jumps up and takes off running. And I start running right behind him. And so the adventures begin.

_**roseaway**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.30_

Hello, happened to come across your blog a month ago and have been reading it since then. You know, you have pretty much described a good friend of mine. He's restless in the same way and tends to find adventures which get him into trouble. Is it hard for you to be with Sherlock?

P.S. My name is Rose.

_**johnwatson**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.33_

Rose, nice to meet you. Thank you for reading my blog. If your friend is even a little bit like Sherlock, then I'm sure you can understand how difficult it is to be with such a person. One can't plan ahead at all.

_**roseaway**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.35_

He'll turn everything upside down and end up in all sorts of unexpected places, right?

_**johnwatson**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.40_

Exactly :) But it's so interesting, you understand?

_**roseaway**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.42_

I understand perfectly! So many adventures. Even more than one could possibly imagine.

_**johnwatson**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.44_

Oh ye-esss. And sometimes one gets a totally unexpected perspective on things.

_**roseaway**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.47_

Hee hee. After I discovered a jar with a swarm of angry killer wasps preserved in alcohol in the closet, it became much easier for me to believe in all things supernatural. Well, something like that.

_**johnwatson**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.49_

A jar? And we have a head in the fridge. Something like that.

Not my own so far. Just kidding.

_**roseaway**_ _wrote on 5 May 2010, 17.50_

You're a very funny man, John.

_(after this, there are 128 hidden comments)_

Hello. If you haven't mixed up the digits in the mobile number, then I must have the right person. R.

Hello, you are not mistaken. Glad to hear from you. JW

How are things with you? R

All's quiet at the moment. Convinced Sherlock to sort out his old case notes. Breathed in a lot of dust and some other nasty stuff, but nothing major. And how are you? JW

Eh, everything's all right. We were helping grandma with the crocodiles. R.

Whose grandma? JW

Pardon, with crocodiles? JW

It turned out that Doctor has a grandma, that's a long story. She's a very lively and inventive lady. R.

What about the crocodiles, then? JW

She likes them. She even attends crocodile races in...well, at her home. R

Are there actual crocodile races? JW

Well, if there are actual crocodiles, why can't they race with each other? I think that can be considered as a possible way for things to proceed. R

You sound like Sherlock :) JW

That's your influence :) Till next time :) R

Hello, are you awake? I'm a little mixed up about the time zones. R

Hello, I'm awake. Sherlock is boiling some nasty experimental stuff in the kitchen, so it's impossible to fall asleep. How's your grandma doing? He's also interested, btw. JW

Does he read your messages? R

You can imagine me emitting a resigned sigh. JW

You can imagine patting you on the head. R

Thanks very much. JW

As to the grandma, we took her to her destination, and she left us a hybrid cactus as a memento. She bred it herself, during breaks in the crocodile races. R

Is she a biologist? JW

Something along these lines. She is a very multi-faceted old lady. R

What did she cross the cactus with? JW

That's what we're currently trying to find out. It doesn't spit, that's at least something. R

Sherlock asked me to tell you that you should check if the cactus has a grasp reflex. JW

So how did that go? JW

How did he manage to guess? R

He said he took into account all available information about grandma. Is everything all right? JW

The crocodile almost bit my foot off. R

Please be careful. Sherlock says that the size of the plant can be inversely proportional to the strength of the grasp. In short, if it's small, it can bite you really hard. JW

Tell Sherlock that he's right. R

Of course I'm right. SH

That was Sherlock, he couldn't resist. JW

Thanks, Sherlock! Always a pleasure to chat with a clever person! Do excuse me, we are going away for a short while, warm regards to everyone. D

Bye, John :) R

See you soon, Rose. JW

Hello, we're back. R

Hello, glad to hear from you again. Is everything all right? JW

Everything's as usual. We were saving the world and stuff like that. Nothing you wouldn't do. And what's new on your end? R

What do you think-is it all right to have a small crocodile in the bathroom sink? JW

Is it cute? R

Don't know, I hadn't looked at it that closely. It's gnashing its teeth, perhaps in a friendly manner. JW

Go take a look then, and let me know. R

I think he's suffering from jaundice. JW

If crocodiles even get jaundice; otherwise this situation is even worse than I thought. JW

Why do you think so? R

It is yellow all over. Very yellow. JW

Listen, have you had any peculiar old ladies come by recently? R

We haven't, but Mrs Hudson had a female acquaintance with a cat come by yesterday. JW

What colour was the cat? R

Purple. JW

Then I'll ask the Doctor-he knows quite a lot about animals. R

Maybe it would be better if you came by sometime? I'd like to meet you. And Doctor and Sherlock would likely find enough to talk about. JW

I think I'll be able to talk him into that. R

We're getting ready to go visit Charles Dickens. I'd tried on a dress with a crinoline, it's something awful. R

Will you be gone long? JW

It depends. R

Depends on how many aliens we'll find there. D

You think aliens will be there? JW

They're everywhere, aren't they? D

I already regard that as inevitable :) R

Bring me Queen Victoria's fingerprints. SH

And a sample of DNA. There's a theory I want to test. SH

Are you sending me copies by default? Ask Mycroft. I'm already in the shop, what did you need me to buy? JW

Fingerprints-that's easy, but DNA is difficult to do unless the person bites you. D

If you think that I don't have access to this interplanetary connection, then you are profoundly mistaken. MH

Then we'll definitely bring you what you wanted. D

Buy Sherlock some milk. And make sure he actually drinks it. MH

Buy some milk? JW

Yes, I put the eyes to soak in the milk that had been in the fridge. So there's none left to have the biscuits with. SH

DNA of the Queen! SH

Sherlock, he understood you. He's as curious as you are. MH

Please bring him some, I would prefer not to trouble Queen Elizabeth about it. MH

What if the theory is proven correct? D

That will be interesting. SH

That will be interesting. MH

John, would you distract Sherlock, or else we still haven't been able to start the ship. R

Hello, how are things with you over there? JW

Hello, we have just jumped out of the mouth of the volcano, but otherwise everything is quiet. And you? R

Also nothing unusual, two maniacs and an exploded oven. JW

Lucky you. D

He's reading over my shoulder. R

So am I. SH

Where's that volcano? SH

Five billion years in the future and a couple seconds more. D

Are fingerprints preserved there? SH

Fingerprints are. D

The other things are a problem. D

For the people? SH

We don't know, there are only Daleks here. D

Worse than Moriarty, honest. R

Then come visit us. We don't have any Daleks here. JW

Are you sure? Usually they appear right after someone makes such a statement. R

I can assure you that there are no Daleks in London. I would've known if there were. SH

I can confirm that. MH

Would you mind not texting back and forth for one day? A new space shuttle is being launched to orbit tomorrow. MH

You want it launched in the right direction, don't you? D

Precisely. It's for the good of the humankind. MH

He confessed that he's working for the good of the humankind! JW, SH

Halleluja. D, R

Maybe we can bring him something? D

No, thanks, MH

We can bring King Arthur's sword. They'll lose it two hundred years later, anyway. D

I have no particular admiration for stabbing weapons. MH

We can bring King Arthur himself. Statesmen and all that. D

I have no need of advice regarding crisis management. But thank you. MH

Are you done? SH

Sherlock, we're starting up the ship. Doctor asked me to tell you that we might be offline tomorrow. You can get that space shuttle launched in the meantime, too. R

You are the only sensible person in this group, ma'am. MH

If you come across a new variety of crocodiles, bring one along. SH

God forbid. The first one hasn't grown up yet. Rose, we'll be waiting for you. JW


End file.
